Styles once coyly said of the song: “Olivia is whoever you want her to be. My friend and preeminent Styles guru reminds that there’s a One Direction song called “Olivia” that is suddenly, newly relevant. Fair point, but they never wore matching fashion brands as dates to a micro-wedding. Wait, why is Lizzo trending? Because she and Harry held hands once, but no one romantically “linked” them. Hasn’t every celebrity ever gotten married at San Ysidro Ranch in Montecito?Ī quick Google search confirms that, yes, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chis Martin, Katherine Schwarzenegger and Chris Pratt, Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson, and Lily Aldridge and Caleb Followill all did.ĭour sidenote: Should anyone be having any kind of wedding right now?ĭear God, why is Candace Owens trending again? Aha! She liked the following tweet about Harry and Olivia. I love how everyone is now referring to “Jeff” as if he’s an old friend and we, too, attended his micro-wedding at San Ysidro Ranch in Montecito. Did Harry, indeed, officiate a wedding in nothing by a hotel robe and slippers? Did the robe precede or follow the Gucci tux, and is he available for hire? This merits an investigation. “The Robe” is trending on Twitter, because of yet another photo set of Harry officiating Azoff’s wedding in nothing but a hotel robe and slippers. How many things is Harry Styles capable of effortlessly holding in one hand? I spy a rocks glass of whiskey, and at least two other accessories. Somewhere, Hilaria Baldwin is happy to be usurped. They’re not only holding hands but legitimately twinning. Both of their masks are The Vampire’s Wife. Zooms in on the perfect ice-cream swirl of Harry’s hair-an art form unto itself. Of course Harry Styles’s tuxedo has a trademark flared leg. This content can also be viewed on the site it originates from. They bonded over their art, but the marriage was sexless, as Wilde later divulged: “I felt like my vagina died.” Remember, also, when Wilde was married to a prince named Tao Ruspoli who lived on a school bus, after eloping with him on said school bus? “I said, ‘Whoa! I don’t want to meet a dude who lives on a bus!’” she told Women’s Health of being set up with him. Remember when Wilde said she and Sudeikis had “sex like Kenyan marathon runners”? Goodbye to that, I guess. Wait, when did Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis break up? Oh, they announced it in November? I must have missed that amid the national democratic crisis. How dare Harry Styles date a woman in her mid-to-late 30s who is not me? As a newly minted Styles obsessive, I’m swallowing my pride and sharing 31 thoughts I had while spriraling over the news. Wall-to-wall coverage, hysteria, and an ongoing journey of emotions soon followed. The first Monday of 2021 was shaping up to be a brutal back-to-work slog.until a midday gift arrived in the form of new photos of Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde walking hand in hand into his manager Jeff Azoff’s wedding in Montecito, California.
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